So this is 50

These are just a few random free flowing thoughts and reflections I've had about my life and changes within them.

 

• I have had a big rollercoaster of a life so far, with great highs and equally great lows – ever since I was a child.  I’ve had several brushes with death (Indian sewer is all I’m saying), and I’ve come out the other side so far.

 

• I have loved, and I have lost.

 

• I was born in Kenya and came to the UK as a first generation immigrant in 1975.  Being a small brown girl who arrived speaking only Gujarati and no English in the UK in the 70s was quite something - racism and prejudice was open and existed everywhere - including from a teacher in infant school.  I picked up English within weeks at age 4.

 

• I was always an exceptionally quiet and shy child who loved books over sport, who experienced the greatest losses at the age of 3 and again at 7 – a far too early introduction to grief having lost both my older sister (older by only 1 year) and my grandmother who helped raise me up to that point.  I grew up in a wonderfully busy multi generational house.

 

• I endured several rounds of bullies at school.  I loved music and went to as many gigs as I could and bought a lot of music.

 

• I built a wonderful group of women friends in my teens, who I am still proud to call my friends today.

 

• I went to university in Liverpool, where I lived the best 3.5 years.  I had so much fun with great people, again many of whom I’m happy to say are still my friends now.

 

• I came back to London, and during my 20s I met some wonderful new friends and this brought an even more hedonistic time in my life, where I partied A LOT.  I also trained in all my complementary therapies at this time.

 

• Just before my 30s I got a sales job with Neal’s Yard Remedies which involved driving over the whole of the UK talking about natural remedies and products as well as teaching/training, just magnificent.  I got more involved with the training and education at NYR and used my therapies.

 

• My 30s were fabulous – I had money and I was still single and out and about.  I travelled, I ate well, I drank well and spent time with lots of fabulous people.

 

• The end of my 30s also brought me my gorgeous older niece.  Being at her birth was one of the most special things ever.

 

• This time also brought the loss of my 3 remaining grandparents.

 

• I was not afraid of turning 40, and I was happy to do so.  However, it also brought with it the start of the easing off from the hedonism in my life.  My body started to remind me that it can only take so much, and the partying from the previous decades was starting to show itself more.  I was happily running my own business and loving it and spending time with my gorgeous new nephew (another special time being at his birth).  I began to look after myself better.  At the start of my 40s my mum had health issues and a mastectomy.  The middle of my 40s I experienced the worst time being my father’s primary carer for 9 months after his diagnosis of a terminal brain tumour.  His death and then the ‘sadmin’ (admin for probate) that came after over the following year was pretty low. And then came my younger sister’s breast cancer diagnosis only 1 year after we lost dad.

 

• I am living through a global pandemic. I experienced great joy with the birth of my littlest niece last year and now here we are today.

 

This is obviously a brief reflection on my life, as there was travel in there and times with friends and family that I haven’t gone into detail about.

 

• I still love music and gigs
• I love cuddles, laughter and just hanging out with my nieces and nephew.
• I have the most supportive siblings who have always got my back no matter what (thank you) and my wonderful brother in law and sister in law, who took both my siblings and are the best company and accept me for me despite my moods and quirks.
• My heavy drinking days are not there any more, and currently I’ve not had any alcohol in almost 2 years (it happened by accident and then became a medical reason). I probably will drink again, but most likely not as a I used to as that was just too much.

 

I have always loved my own company and solitude, and I don’t get bored easily.  I love people and being around people, but creeping into middle age I have become more selective about who those people are.  In my 20s the social friends, the drinking friends, the clubbing friends, they aren’t necessarily the friends I would choose for life today.

 

• I’ve learned that some people pop into your life, change you in so many ways and then go.  Friends who you share great times and experiences with and then lose contact and are left with the greatest memories.  Equally those where the experiences may not have been good, but teach you resilience and give you strength to protect yourself next time.  I previously would have wanted to hold on to those good people and get upset that we lost contact, but with age I’ve learned to let go and remember.

 

Most importantly I now feel totally comfortable within myself and my life.